Do Your Clients Make this Rejection Mistake? And a Powerful Tip!

Rejection is painful for many of us. And it can be even more painful when it's something we worked hard towards or really, really wanted. And that makes it even more important that we learn from our rejections. If it's something important to us, if we truly did our best, or are getting rejected repeatedly we need to ask why we got turned down.

Apart from the obvious learning we get from feedback, think about this: "No" does not necessarily mean "No FOREVER"! 

A "No" may become a "Yes" under certain conditions

But for this to happen we need to ask and find out what those conditions are...

Now, I'm not suggesting that we turn all our clients into crusaders, trying to turn every rejection into a "Yes". Sometimes the "No" is realistic, or may lead to something better somewhere (or with someone) else. But it's important to help our clients move away from the negative aspects of rejection - to break the connection between rejection and a dented self-worth. And we can do this by 1) looking for the learnings and 2) being aware that sometimes those learnings, if implemented, can lead to a "Yes".

Asking for feedback can be hard for people

They may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed asking. And this is where coaching comes in handy! You may need to spend some time with your client to help them devise an empowering strategy to get the feedback they need - and to handle the information if it's hard for them to hear.

Remember: To be as useful as possible, the feedback needs to be specific. Again, your questioning skills as a coach can help them carefully word their requests to maximise the quality of the feedback responses.

Watch out for:

If your client does ask questions to find out WHY they were rejected, remember that even when we're given a reason, people often don't tell the truth. Would you tell someone they weren't getting the job because they seemed so competent you felt threatened? Would you tell a brand new friend you're depressed and need to go home and lie down? Or would you make up some more socially acceptable response?

In Summary:

So, when your clients do ask why they were rejected, remind them that the responses may not be entirely accurate. People may divert them with another reason to avoid feeling bad, appearing self-serving or looking "silly". But this doesn't mean they shouldn't ask, or that there aren't many benefits to be gained - only that we're all human.

And that's where trusting our instincts comes in. Ask the questions. And if the answers don't ring true, or you don't agree with them - let them go. But, if you start getting the same response over and over again, maybe it's something to look at. Above all trust yourself!

Remember: "No does not mean No forever!" What does your client need to do to turn than "No" to a "Yes"? Well, maybe they just need to ask to find out!

If you liked this, you may like these other articles on Rejection:

• Another Tool to Handle Rejection, Self-Esteem!
• Feeling Brave? 2 Challenging Questions to Help Your Clients Handle Rejection!
• Help Clients Handle Rejection Beautifully - 5 Reframes to really give them something to think about

Contributing Author:

Emma-Louise Elsey has been coaching since 2003 and is the Founder of The Coaching Tools Company and Fierce Kindness.com. She's passionate about coaching and personal development. Originally a project and relationship manager for Fortune 500 companies she combined her love of coaching, creativity and systems to create over 100 brandable coaching tools, forms and exercises including 30+ completely free coaching tools. She now serves coaches and the coaching world through her exclusive newsletter for coaches, Coaches Helping Coaches Facebook Group and many other great tools for coaches, plus resources and ideas for your coaching toolbox. The Coaching Tools Company is an official ICF Business Solutions Partner.

Learn more about Emma-Louise & see all their articles here >>