5 Things You Can Do When Attacked By The Green-eyed Monster! by Ruby McGuire

Ruby McGuire - Mirror Mirror"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"

Have you ever felt that butterfly sensation in your tummy and a pang of jealousy when you see a great Facebook ad or newsletter from another coach? Or perhaps it's a conversation where someone tells you all about another amazing coach. You think, "Oh great, that's another coach doing so much better than me".

Or maybe another coach is shouting out about their successes and you ask yourself (in a sarcastic tone) how they managed to be so successful when you're doing all of the same things and not getting the same results?

I've been there, have you?

I don't like feeling jealous, it's not a normal thing for me. But sometimes when you see others doing amazingly, you can't help but want what they've got. And before we know it, the green-eyed monster takes over.

Now I'm a sucker for a good Disney film. In Snow White, the magic mirror told the Evil Queen that she wasn't young or beautiful enough. Instead of focusing on her own beauty and strengths, the Evil Queen spends her time jealously plotting against Snow White. And she's pretty unhappy too.

When we compare ourselves to other coaches, just like the Evil Queen, we make ourselves miserable, caught up in how we're 'not good enough'. We must be doing something wrong as we're not earning that amount of money, or we're not putting amazing messages out there like them.

Success or Illusion?

We live in a world of social media where it's apparent how successful others are being. Or is it?You may well be jealous of something that doesn't even exist; it's just your perception! A lot of the success we see is actually just an illusion - smoke and mirrors. I know through my work with clients and how I've felt in the past, that it can be very frustrating when we are being mis-sold a story of how you can build a 6 or 7 figure business overnight. Really? How many overnights was that exactly?

It's easy for our inner critic to spiral out of control and get so focused on what others are doing that it becomes hard to focus on the strengths we do have. Everyone is different. You have completely different strengths to another coach, different skills, different life experiences, have worked with different clients - and all of these strengths are what you bring to your business.

If the Evil Queen had focused on her strengths instead of wanting to be fair and beautiful like Snow White she'd have been happier. The Evil Queen is beautiful, has incredible magical powers and is really creative with potions. Imagine how brilliant she could have been - and how many people she could have helped - if she hadn't wasted time on wanting to be young, beautiful and the fairest of them all!

Stop comparing!

How does it serve you to compare yourself to someone else's business? If it fires you up and motivates you to do better things, then by all means carry on. Although what's more likely is that you're doing what I call "comparing bananas to socks!" - you're not comparing like for like.

We think that others have it better than us, that they have the secret to running a successful coaching business, when in fact the reality is that they have their own insecurities, fears and doubts and have had to do the inner work themselves, just like us.

5 Things You Can Do When the Green-eyed Monster Hits

Instead of being self-critical or jealous of what other coaches are achieving, I invite you to try something else instead:

  1. Be Curious: Ask yourself, "What could I learn from them?" Maybe there are strategies and tools that have helped them to succeed that you could make your own, and bring into your own business.
  2. Be Brave: Ask them how they achieved that level of success. I know I love helping people by sharing ideas of what's worked and hasn't worked for me.
  3. Focus On Your Own Strengths: Get a coach or mentor to help you identify your greatest strengths and find ways to bring these into your business.
  4. Develop areas you know need honing: Get a coach or mentor to help you develop and work on areas you're not so strong in.
  5. Focus on your zone of genius! Don't waste time getting frustrated with things that you're not so good at. As I say with my clients, "If it's not your strength outsource it!"

Wrap-up

We so easily focus on other people's strengths, but forget to celebrate our own. Why is that?

Forget what others are doing and focus on your own strengths. Your journey will be different to every other coach out there, you will have built up skills that will serve you and enable you to help your clients in a much bigger way.

And stop comparing yourself to others. Be curious, be brave, focus on your own strengths and be the best you can be at what you do!

Who will you choose to be? The best you can be - or the Evil Queen? I'm off to be a princess – it's my strength apparently!

Sending you lots of magical moments in your business.

 

Ruby McGuire

Contributing Author: Ruby McGuire, a Clarity & Focus Diva is a mum, wife and cappuccino lover. She helps unseen solopreneurs step up and shine on/offline so they can make money doing what they love. She's a Co-Author of "Awaken Your True Potential", a Trainer, Noble Manhattan Support Coach, EFT Practitioner, writes for International Coaching News and more recently has become a regular author for IIC&M's Insight Magazine. Check out her podcast show "Rock Your Fabulous Biz", find Ruby at her pretty online home, www.rubymcguire.com or on Facebook. Failing that she may be satisfying her obsession of pinning on Pinterest!

PS. So what about you? Are you ready to stop being invisible? You didn't sign up to running your own business to struggle or stay broke. It's time that you and your fabulous business were seen, both on and offline. To check how well you're doing with your visibility subscribe and grab your copy of Ruby's free Visibility Quiz here.

 

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4 Comments

  1. Livia Brown

    I will be graduating from graduate school May 14, 2016, with a Masters of Arts in Human Service/ Counseling and certification in Life Coaching. I have the jitters because it seams like I have so much information inside of me and I feel like I don't know where to begin. I am good at influencing others to do the right thing and I meet no strangers. My strengths are Learner, Input, Responsibility, Consistency. Just trying bring all of this together to become the best Coach that I can be.

    Reply
    • Emma-Louise

      Dear Livia,
      Congratulations on your almost graduation! That's a lot of hard work and effort.

      Starting your own business is a lot of work, time, effort and soul-searching. It's impossible to know everything you need to know, and not surprising you don't know where to start as there are so many things to do to set up a business, and so much yet to learn. Sadly, school doesn't really prepare us for this part...

      So, what I'm trying to say is that how you're feeling is normal. And to be honest, I'm not sure there's anything much you can do about it, other than breathe and say something like, "Patience, I will get there, one step at a time".

      Your strengths suit running a business - so much to Learn (I would start learning about sales & marketing specific to a coaching business, just type some words into Google - there are TONS of free resources). I'm not sure what Input is, but Responsibility - yes, and Consistency, you will find that very helpful too - and so will your clients!!!

      Coaching is (as I'm sure you know) not about influencing but helping people discover who they are, what they want, to create a better, more fulfilled and balanced life etc etc etc. We help them figure out how to do it in a way that works for them, and shine a torch on where they might be getting in their own way. The only way you might influence is by role-modelling who YOU are. And learning, responsibility, consistency (and asking for help) are all great skills to model for your clients!

      Where to begin? Anywhere. Start a list of the Top 10 Things you need to do to get started on your business. And remember - there's a lot to learn about sales & marketing, so be sure to include that on your list.

      I hope that helps. Good luck, chin up and off into the world you go! Warmly, Emma-Louise

      Reply
  2. Claudia Crawley

    Great post. I've been experiencing this very thing recently. I dislike jealousy. So when the green eyed monster appears I quickly send her packing. But the feeling of jealousy is merely buried. Thanks for the tips. I'll definitely give them a shot next time.

    Reply
    • Emma-Louise

      Dear Claudia, glad you found Ruby's article helpful! And I agree, we can't help but feel, but burying it doesn't help either. I think it's about making a choice what to do and whether to act on our feelings or not. And taking care of the part of ourselves that feels it! 🙂 Warmly, Emma-Louise

      Reply

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