Home » Coaching Blog » Coaching Questions » Asking Powerful Questions » What are Softeners in Coaching? With 7 Examples What are Softeners in Coaching? With 7 Examples Last Updated: May 13, 2024 Reading Time: less than 1 minEmma-Louise ShareTweetShare2Pin79 Shares In coaching, softeners are simply a few words you use just before asking a difficult question to literally 'soften the blow'. By using a softener, you're subconsciously preparing your clients for a potentially difficult shift in the conversation's energy. Using softeners in coaching is therefore a great way to maintain rapport with your clients while asking the challenging questions that are going to move them forwards. Here are 7 great softeners to get you started: I'm curious… (keeping it open and light) Just for a moment… (you won't have to do this for long) Let's suppose… (let's play here) I was wondering… (keeping it open and light) Help me out here… (you'll be doing me a favour) Would it be OK to play with this? (asking their permission) Let me ask you this… (asking their permission more forcefully) And of course you can always use silence (a pause) or something like a "hmmmmm" to indicate you're being thoughtful before asking a difficult question. What softeners do you use? Tell us yours by commenting below! If you liked this short article on using softeners in coaching, you may also like: 5 Easy Ways to Identify and Work Through Limiting Beliefs! Why Black and White Thinking May be Keeping Keep Your Clients Stuck! 5 Helpful Questions to Ask When Your Client Says: I'll Try Contributing Author: Emma-Louise Elsey is passionate about kindness, coaching and personal development and has been coaching since 2003. She's the Founder and Former CEO of The Coaching Tools Company, and Founder of Fierce Kindness. Originally a project and relationship manager for Fortune 500 companies she loves to create coaching tools and exercises, including lots of free coaching tools for you here at The Coaching Tools Company. Through Fierce Kindness she helps people create a life they love, make a difference and learn to be kind to themselves. She'd love you to sign-up for the Fierce Kindness Newsletter and grab a free How to Be Kind to Yourself Workbook. Or connect personally on Linkedin, Facebook or Instagram. Learn more about Emma-Louise & see all their articles here >> Categories: Asking Powerful Questions, Coaching Tips, Rapport & Trust Image of Coach using softeners with coaching client by fizkes via Shutterstock 2 Comments Jacki Bruchert July 13, 2011 I love the brief suggestions and ideas for "how" to work and "be" with clients. I am brand-new to coaching, and this is very practical stuff that really helps me. Thanks so much! Reply elelsey July 13, 2011 Hi Jacki, Thanks for your comments! I'm trying to make sure the articles are short AND sweet - ie. with useful, usable content. I've discovered that it's HARDER to write shorter, punchier articles than longer ones! But that is a challenge I'm enjoying. ANYhow, thanks so much for your comment - it's very encouraging that we're on the right track! Warmly, EL Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Δ
Jacki Bruchert July 13, 2011 I love the brief suggestions and ideas for "how" to work and "be" with clients. I am brand-new to coaching, and this is very practical stuff that really helps me. Thanks so much! Reply
elelsey July 13, 2011 Hi Jacki, Thanks for your comments! I'm trying to make sure the articles are short AND sweet - ie. with useful, usable content. I've discovered that it's HARDER to write shorter, punchier articles than longer ones! But that is a challenge I'm enjoying. ANYhow, thanks so much for your comment - it's very encouraging that we're on the right track! Warmly, EL Reply
