How to Coach a Client when they Distort the Facts: A Simple 3 Step Framework

Does your client keep distorting the facts? Do they focus on the negative and ignore the positive? Are they determined to blame others or themselves or keep jumping to conclusions? Do they keep themselves small with limiting beliefs?

They may be using a Cognitive Distortion!

People come to coaching to learn about themselves, to set goals and create a more meaningful life.

So when your client uses a Cognitive Distortion, it's a great opportunity to raise your client's awareness, reduce unnecessary mental suffering—and open up new possibilities for them. 

Simply put a Cognitive Distortion is where people distort the facts, words or their own experience, usually in a negative way. And this can get in the way of our clients moving forwards.

Here's a simple 3-step framework for when you notice a Cognitive Distortion

When we coach clients around a cognitive distortion, the focus is to 1) raise their awareness and 2) challenge the underlying (usually negative) assumptions.

1. First clarify what they're saying: So, you're saying that the time you spent writing that article is completely wasted because you didn't get it finished in time to submit it?
2. Secondly, challenge the distortion.
   • Hmmmmm. I wonder. Was that time completely wasted?
   • What other ways are there of looking at the situation?
3. Thirdly, open up some options for a different way to look at things.
   • Where else could you submit the article?
   • What else could you do with the incomplete article
   • How was the experience of writing the article?
   • What other criteria could you use to measure how successfully your time is spent?
   • What did you learn from this experience?

Important

It's important NOT to try and show up the distortion as being "right" or "wrong" as this may activate their critic or a knee-jerk response.

Instead, help your client see that there are other ways of seeing things that may serve them better.

Wrap up

In deciding how to proceed, the question to ask yourself as a coach is:

• Is this distortion opening up possibilities for my client—or closing them down?

You may also like our:

• Free Coaching Tool: a handy reference list of the 10 Most Common Cognitive Distortions to use in session or give out to clients, complete with helpful descriptions and examples of how they are used!

Contributing Author:

Emma-Louise Elsey is passionate about kindness, coaching and personal development and has been coaching since 2003. She's the Founder and Former CEO of The Coaching Tools Company, and Founder of Fierce Kindness. Originally a project and relationship manager for Fortune 500 companies she loves to create coaching tools and exercises, including lots of free coaching tools for you here at The Coaching Tools Company. Through Fierce Kindness she helps people create a life they love, make a difference and learn to be kind to themselves.

She'd love you to sign-up for the Fierce Kindness Newsletter and grab a free How to Be Kind to Yourself Workbook. Or connect personally on Linkedin, Facebook or Instagram.

Learn more about Emma-Louise & see all their articles here >>