BOOK REVIEW: "Difficult Conversations" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen

"Difficult Conversations - How to discuss what matters most"
by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

In business and life we often avoid difficult conversations. Have you ever avoided:

• Asking for a hard-earned raise?
• Confronting a family member or friend who has been undermining you?
• Giving feedback to a touchy colleague?
• Raising a difficult subject with our partner?

Is sweat trickling down your brow just thinking about it?

Conflict is inevitable.

And yet some people still try to avoid it - at all costs! The rest of us keep doing our best but struggle or wish it was easier.

Well, managing conflict is a skill - and everyone can get better at it, with knowledge and practice...

Difficult Conversations is quite an analytical book. But it's also solution-focused and gives plenty of examples to help us learn.

One thing I personally learned from "Difficult Conversations"

One of the most helpful things I learned from this book is that when people say something that negatively impacts how we see ourselves (our identity) our physical response is hardwired.

So, when someone says something about you - and you feel that "kick in the stomach" it's 1) an instantaneous response and 2) there's nothing you can do to stop it!

Knowing that I can't help but feel that response has been extremely helpful. Because now, when I feel that stomach lurch, I can take care of myself. I can say something to myself like, "Wow - that hurts! Deep breath." This recognition also allows me a little breathing space so I can respond to the situation - rather than reacting to the perceived slight. I can also say to myself, "Just because it feels horrible doesn't mean it's true. Deep breath - again!"

Who is this book for?

Whatever kind of coach you are - business, personal, spiritual, career, executive, youth or parent coach this book is essential reading!

"Difficult Conversations" gives you helpful tips to share with your clients, as well as being an excellent resource to recommend to them.

And, if you'd like to improve how you deal with conflict, then this book does double duty!

In Summary:

I thoroughly recommend this book. It's jam-packed with tips and information that raises our awareness both about the causes of conflict - and how to handle the difficult emotions that come with it. It's a great lowdown on the invaluable skill of managing conflict - grab a pen and paper to make notes!

If you liked this article, you may also like:

• The Top 10 Coaching Books to Make You a Better Coach!
• The Top 5 Blocks to Connection With Others in Conflict Situations | By Julia Menard
• Documentary Review - Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru

Contributing Author:

Emma-Louise Elsey is passionate about kindness, coaching and personal development and has been coaching since 2003. She's the Founder and Former CEO of The Coaching Tools Company, and Founder of Fierce Kindness. Originally a project and relationship manager for Fortune 500 companies she loves to create coaching tools and exercises, including lots of free coaching tools for you here at The Coaching Tools Company. Through Fierce Kindness she helps people create a life they love, make a difference and learn to be kind to themselves.

She'd love you to sign-up for the Fierce Kindness Newsletter and grab a free How to Be Kind to Yourself Workbook. Or connect personally on Linkedin, Facebook or Instagram.

Learn more about Emma-Louise & see all their articles here >>