Another Tool to Handle Rejection, Self-Esteem!

Man Hugging Himself in Office

For me, one of the things that makes handling rejection difficult is the link our brains make between rejection and our sense of self. In other words: when people get rejected they allow it to negatively affect how they see themselves.

We are brought up to live by other people's rules.

Whether it's in the home, at school or at work, we're encouraged to fit in and do as we're told.

To succeed, we often have to pay a lot of attention to what others think of us. And we're not encouraged to develop our own beliefs—or a strong sense of self. So when we get rejected, it's easy to see how it makes us less confident in—and more uncertain about—ourselves.

And this is where coaching comes in handy.

Coaches help people rebuild their sense of self—to know, understand and esteem themselves—so that when a rejection happens our clients are more likely to take it in their stride.

Rejection actually has nothing to do with us personally.

Rejection is all about the other person: we or what we're offering simply doesn't fit what that person is looking for in that moment. That's all.

Yes, we may have wanted to be accepted, to be chosen. We feel disappointment. But that doesn't make us a reject.

And when we allow ourselves to feel rejected, we've given all our power to the other person: no-one can make us feel rejected without our permission...

So, what's the answer?

Well, if we had a strong sense of self-worth and who we are, rejection would just be a blip. A rejection might cause us to stop and re-evaluate, but it wouldn't deter or prevent us from moving forwards.

A friend of mine, who moved to Canada 15 years ago got tired of constantly being asked in job interviews what 'Canadian experience' she had. So one day she turned round and said, "If no-one gives me a job I won't HAVE any Canadian experience." She said "No" to their rejection. And yes, they hired her.

We must help our clients maintain their self-esteem and self-belief.

Help your clients choose a different path: show them that the link between being rejected and being a reject is 1) created by them and 2) that it's this association that causes their suffering, and not the rejection itself.

Instead, help clients focus on what they feel (eg. disappointment) and taking care of themselves, as opposed of what OTHERS have done to—or think of—them.


There are so many people out there. And there will always be people who don't see our sparkling contribution to the world. AND there will always be someone interested in us and what we have to offer—we just need to go out and find them!

You are the same you after 1 or 100 Rejections.

REMEMBER: Say NO to Rejection and Esteem Your Self!

You are big enough to face rejection and your fear of failure because you don't take it personally. If anything, you risk even more. You know that while you may be disappointed if you fail, you are doomed if you don't try. This is the price to be paid for living a bigger life. When you believe in yourself, anything is possible. Fiona Harrold

 If you liked this, you may like our other articles on Rejection:

Emma-Louise Elsey Headshot

Contributing Author:

Emma-Louise Elsey has been coaching since 2003 and is the Founder of The Coaching Tools Company and Fierce She's passionate about coaching and personal development. Originally a project and relationship manager for Fortune 500 companies she combined her love of coaching, creativity and systems to create over 100 brandable coaching tools, forms and exercises including 30+ completely free coaching tools. She now serves coaches and the coaching world through her exclusive newsletter for coaches, Coaches Helping Coaches Facebook Group and many other great tools for coaches, plus resources and ideas for your coaching toolbox. The Coaching Tools Company is an official ICF Business Solutions Partner.

Learn more about Emma-Louise & see all their articles here >>

Image of Client giving self a hug in office by Kraken Images

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.