The Neuroscience of Change: How Coaches Can Support Real, Lasting Growth| by Dr. Irena O’Brien

Many people want to change but struggle to do it. As coaches, we see this all the time. A client sets a goal and starts with energy, but then something gets in the way. They feel stuck, stop trying, and go back to old habits.

Why does this happen?

New science helps us understand that people don’t resist change; they resist how we try to change them. When change feels stressful, unsafe, or forced, the brain reacts with fear, not action.

This article explains how you, as a coach, can create the right environment for change. Real change becomes possible when people feel safe, hopeful, and inspired.

Why People Resist Change

People often resist change when they:

• Feel pressure to meet others’ expectations
• Don’t feel safe trying new things
• Want to avoid failure
• Prefer routine over the unknown

This is not a personal weakness. It is a natural response to stress.

Many coaching models add pressure. They ask clients to set fast goals, be accountable, and perform. But pressure often triggers fear, not growth. To support change, coaching should reduce stress, not increase it.

A Better Way: Creating Safety and Vision

Change works best when people feel emotionally safe and connected to their dreams.

A research-based model called Intentional Change Theory (ICT) shows how people grow in a healthy, lasting way. It has five steps:

1. Define the Ideal Self
   Ask clients: Who do you want to be? What do you care about most? This vision gives them direction.
2. Create Positive Emotions
   Support feelings like hope, joy, and excitement. These emotions open the mind and give energy for change.
3. Make a Learning Plan
   Focus on growth, not fixing problems. Let the client explore new skills and ideas without fear of failure.
4. Try New Behaviors
   Support small steps, practice, and experimentation. It’s OK to make mistakes.
5. Build Supportive Relationships
   Change lasts longer when people feel supported, understood, and connected.

Understanding PEA and NEA: How Emotions Drive Change

To support real change, we need to understand two crucial emotional states:

• PEA (Positive Emotional Attractor):
  This is a state of positive emotion—hope, joy, compassion, curiosity. It helps people feel safe, open, and creative.
• NEA (Negative Emotional Attractor):
  This is a state of stress or pressure—worry, fear, anger, urgency. It can help with short-term focus, but often leads to resistance and burnout when overused.

Clients change best when they spend more time in PEA than in NEA. PEA creates the right emotional space for growth.

How the Brain Affects Change

Two brain systems play a significant role in change:

• Default Mode Network (DMN)
  This network is active when we imagine, reflect, and dream. It helps people connect with their values and vision.
• The Central Executive Network (CEN)
  Also called the Task Positive Network (TPN), helps with focus, planning, and decision-making.

These two networks don't work well at the same time. If you start with goal-setting and tasks (CEN), then the imagination (DMN) is turned off. So, begin with vision and reflection, then move to action when the client is ready.

The Nervous System and Emotion

Change is not just in the mind—it’s also in the body.

• The parasympathetic nervous system helps people relax and feel safe. It supports curiosity and creativity.
• The sympathetic nervous system helps with danger and stress. It provides quick focus and energy, but it can also cause fear and resistance.

Coaches should help clients stay mostly in a safe and open state (parasympathetic). As we saw earlier, this supports the Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA). We can use the Negative Emotional Attractor (NEA) for short bursts of focus, but not for long periods.

Focus on Learning, Not Just Performance

Many coaching models use performance goals, like sales targets or weight loss numbers. These goals can work for simple tasks but often backfire for growth and change.

Performance goals often create stress. They narrow thinking, and they can activate the fear of failure.

Instead, use learning goals as these help clients to:

• Explore new ideas
• Try new skills
• Stay open to different paths

Learning goals work better for long-term success. They support the PEA state and help clients to grow without fear.

Be Careful with SMART Goals

SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) are useful only after the client is ready.

Setting SMART goals too early can:

• Block creativity
• Increase stress
• Make clients focus only on short-term results

Start with the client’s vision and values. Then, after they feel safe and inspired, turn that vision into action steps.

The Power of the Coaching Relationship

One of the most important tools a coach has is the relationship itself.

When a coach listens deeply, shows genuine care, and stays calm and positive, the client feels safe. This emotional safety helps the client open up, take risks, and try new things.

This is called a resonant relationship. It is:

• Based on trust and empathy
• Full of positive energy
• Focused on shared purpose

Good coaching relationships also use positive emotional contagion. This means that the coach’s emotional state affects the client. When the coach stays hopeful, the client often feels more hopeful, too.

5 Tips You Can Use Right Now

• Start with the client’s Ideal Self
  Ask about their dreams, values, and the person they want to become.
• Help them feel good, not just work hard
  Support positive emotions to give energy for growth.
• Focus on learning before performance
  Encourage exploration instead of jumping into results too fast.
• Delay SMART goals until the client is ready
  Goals are helpful, but timing matters.
• Model calm and purpose in yourself
  Your energy shapes the coaching space.

Final Thoughts

Change doesn’t happen through pressure. It occurs through hope, safety, and support. When you help clients connect to their deeper vision and guide them with care and curiosity, you create the perfect conditions for real growth.

Start with emotion. Start with purpose. The rest will follow.

If you enjoyed this article, you may also like:

• A Neuroscience Based Technique to Boost Self-Esteem—that Works! by Dr. Irena O'Brien
• What Keeps People from Making Positive Changes in Life? With 3 Essential Beliefs by Tom Schweickert
• How to Use a Client's Strengths for Change  Get "Heart to Heart" with Julie Johnson MCC

Contributing Author:

Dr. Irena O'Brien, PhD, is a neuroscientist and neuroscience educator. She has been studying neuroscience and psychology for over 20 years following a successful career as a chartered accountant. She is passionate about neuroscience and sharing it with others. She reads and writes about the latest research in neuroscience and psychology in a way that is designed to offer us practical tools and strategies to better our own lives and the lives of our clients. 

She founded The Neuroscience School in 2017. Her mission is to create self-awareness on the planet and she does that by teaching coaches and helping professionals learn about neuroscience and how they can apply what they learn to help their clients. She is known for her ability to simplify neuroscience research into what's essential and practical for coaches to use in their work with clients. Her neuroscience program for coaches is currently certified by the ICF for continuing coach education units. You can find her at neuroscienceschool.com.

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