3 New Ways For You to Use the Wheel of Life in Relationships!

Attractive couple portrait.The "Wheel of Life" may be 'old hat' to many of us, but it's endlessly flexible. Did you know that the categories we use on the Life Balance Wheel can be used to help make decisions on everything from life partners to new careers? And that a Blank Wheel can be used to help evaluate decisions?

So, with Romance in the Air, Here are Three (3) Ways You Can Use The Wheel of Life in the Relationships Arena:

1. Understanding which Qualities in Another Person Most Positively Impact our Lives

Do you have a client, friend (or yourself!) looking for a life-partner? First, list approximately 10 qualities this life partner must have. Next you're going to score each of those qualities using the Wheel of Life Categories: Simply ask your client to give each quality a score of 1 for each Category on the Life Balance Wheel that is enhanced by that quality. Then total up the scores and discuss!

Example: Imagine a client has "Tall" or "Curvy" on their ideal life partner quality list. Using each of the Wheel of Life categories, does the fact that their life partner is tall or curvy enhance that? Would it enhance their Finances, their Career, their Personal Growth? "Tall" or "Curvy" might get a score of 1 - enhancing the "romance" part of their relationship. Now what about the quality, "A good sense of humour"? That might score 5 and a half, improving fun, romance, friends and family, your home environment (a half-point for making home a more pleasant place to be), your health and maybe even your career if you have a lot of social events to go to!  What do you think "A good listener" would score?

Follow-on Questions: After this exercise is complete, ask what do they notice? Did anything surprise them? As they look at the list of qualities they chose, what is missing from their list? What did they learn from doing this exercise? How might they change the way they evaluate people they meet in future?

In Summary: What we learn from doing this exercise is which qualities in a life-partner MOST improve our lives - and which are perhaps more superficial. It can be a great exercise for someone who gets carried away looking for the "perfect" partner - helping your client focus on more meaningful life-enhancing qualities.

2. Evaluating Current & Potential Relationships

manMH900442939Using a Blank Coaching Wheel (free), ask your client to list out the 8-10 most important qualities they think a life-partner, friend or lover should have. Then, while thinking about the person they want to evaluate, ask them to score out of 10 how they think that person rates against each of the qualities listed.

Follow-on Questions: After this exercise is complete ask, what do they notice? Are the scores higher or lower than expected? Are they surprised? If their HEAD was to make a decision about their relationship with this person, what would they do next? What about if their HEART was to make a decision? What qualities and factors are missing from the Relationship Wheel categories? What did they learn from doing this exercise? What action steps might they take next?

In Summary: Whilst decisions of the heart shouldn't be made solely with the 'head' or analytical left-brain, sometimes a little left-brained analysis can help us see what we're missing - whether it's that someone deserves a first (or second!) chance, or that we need to move on...

3. Find Out How Energising and Draining The Top 8 People In Your Life Really Are!

NOTE: You'll need 2 different colour pens for this exercise!

womanMP900442640cropAsk your client to label a Blank Coaching Wheel with the 8 people they spend most of their time with. Then ask them to score everyone on their wheel first for 1) How energising each person is out of 10 (where 0 is not at all energising and 10 is highly energising). Then, using a different colour pen, ask your client to score everyone on their wheel for 2) How draining each person is out of 10 ((where 0 is not at all draining and 10 is highly draining). The question is, HOW energised or drained they feel after spending time with each person.

Follow-on Questions: What do they notice? What surprises are there? Is anyone both a drainer and an energiser? What does that feel like for them? You could also look at what % of their time they currently spend with each person. For the energising people you could ask how they could spend MORE time with them? And for the drainers you could ask how they could spend less time – or change the way they spend time with them.

I hope you liked these 3 different ways to use the Wheel of Life Template to evaluate, consider and help make decisions about our relationships. Remember that these exercises can be used with our romantic relationships, but can also be used with our friends, family and co-workers!

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  1. Rebecca

    Thanks so much Emma-Louise. You inspired me to use it differently with one of my clients and we created a new wheel called "significant other". I then asked my client to label the new wheel with 8 of the most important things that she needs/wants from a significant other (she doesn't have one right now). This new way of looking at it shifted her thinking completely!!!

    Thank you so much.


    • Emma-Louise

      Dear Rebecca, I am SO glad you found that helpful! The Wheel is such a fabulous and flexible tool. And it takes good questioning and coaching to make it work! Great job! Warmly, Emma-Louise


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